Sarcasm - Part II

Sarcasm – ha! What a sweet word. The sweetest word after the word sweet. No, that would be unfair to chocolates. So it is the sweetest word after sweet and chocolates. Now that we have established the sweetness of sarcasm, let us move on to more important matters. Gomu, in his previous post, gave us all an insight of how his friends *rolling eyes* react to sarcasm,*rolling eyes in opposite direction* or rather handle sarcasm * rolling eyes in full 360° in both directions, so much so that it takes a minute to gather focus *.

But he very conveniently left out the part about how he... * racking my brains hard for a good enough word, coming up empty* ...um ...reacts(?) to sarcasm (unlike his friends, he cannot handle it (not that his friends know how to handle it(Sorry Gomu, didn’t mean to insult(that's a pretty strong word) your friends(not that I mind(there are just so many bloody parenthesis I have no idea how to get out of it(?))))).

Bloody hell...my head hurts....does yours? I bet it does. Sorry about the digression, was just sharing my opinions. Anyway, back to Gomu’s reaction to sarcasm * refrains from rolling eyes *.

Basically Gomu is quite predictable. At least his conversation are. He has a predictable no scratch that, he has just one set of questions that he keeps throwing at you everyday. He is like an automated computer quiz that asks the same questions all the time. So after the first few times, the novelty wears out and you can answer all the question without sparing a glance. His questions go something like this....

Hi.

How are you?

How was your day? (A question right after a “good morning” message at 8.00 am in the morning. No wonder I do not reply to his good morning messages)

Hows life going?(Does he need to ask this every day. Honestly Gomu, do you think I’m on a roller coaster and a life altering change happens to me just about every day? Even if it did, do not worry you’ll be one of the first 100 people I let know about it (what?? I have a lot of friends...))

Why haven’t you been replying to my texts lately? (Apparently, he is yet to understand the meaning of the word b-u-s-y. Busy. )

Did you have breakfast/lunch/dinner?

I have had to go through this routine every time. So after answering the same questions 20 times, the 21^st time out conversation went like this.

Gomu: Hi.

Me: Hey. I’m fine. My day ‘was’ perfect *until you decided to text *. Life is great, absolutely spiffy and why would it not be with you as my friend. I have been busy over the week and hence couldn't reply. Yes I had my breakfast and lunch, would let you know about dinner soon.

Gomu: ??!!??!!??!!??!!??!! (I know how an exclamatory mark and question mark looks, thanks for the illustration anyway, could you get on with the text(sorry, I know this is Gomu’s reply, couldn’t resist my mind voice))

you just about emptied my question arsenal (figures huh?). How did you do it?

Me: Didn’t you know, I can read minds.

Gomu: ??!!??!!??!!??!!??!! (Dramatic is Gomu’s middle name).

Wait wait. Do not bang your head, until its a pillow. I banged my head after reading his reply and that left me with a bump on my forehead the size of Gomu’s brain (its up to u to decide the size) for the rest of the week.

Ah, I can hear hear Gomu defending that it was a text conversation and hence could not detect the underlain sarcasm. Fair enough, I say. So let me conjure up an imaginary scene.

Imaginary scene :

G.O.D(ugh...I hate this name more than I hated the guy..and that's saying something) and Sugar(I feel ridiculous to even comment on this name) are chewing each others heads off arguing whose shirt is whiter( I admit, I don’t know if its a word) after a basket ball match wearing red and Grey t-shirts(respectively if I might add), the aforementioned shirts lying completely abandoned on the floor going grayer with every passing nano seconds (blame the dramatic-ness on Gomu).

On the other side, Gomu and his friends ((?) “?” because Gomu always feels that people whom he considers friends, do no reciprocate the gesture, so I’m unsure of how to refer them) are laughing at the funny * ahem * *ahem * exchange . Gomu then turns to me, who is standing beside, glaring menacingly at the devilish duo (I just about choked now).

Gomu: Aren’t they so damn funny? (Laughs like a maniac.)

Me: Of course, they are hilarious I think I broke my rib bones laughing so hard. (I say with a perfectly calm face, no hint of humor and the menacing glare intact.)

Gomu: I know hilarious indeed. (Still laughing hard.)

I banged my head, against my better judgment (imaginatively of course) and had a big bump (nope, not the size of Gomu’s brain. I did mention ‘big’ this time, leaving nothing to your speculation) for the next two imaginary weeks. I would have gone on with detailing Gomu’s friends’ reactions too, but since this post is all about Gomu, I leave it at that.

PS: What?? I like leaving a PS even when I have nothing to say.

PPS: um...okay..uh...well...here we go *deep breathing in and out * I’d like to a-ap-apo-apol-apolo-apolog-apologi-apologiz-apologize to Gomu(no, not for showing the world the real you) for borrowing his friends without his permission. Phew...Jesus... I swear...wait did I say Jesus? Yes I did. Why am I calling Jesus when I have about 333,00,00,000 deities to call for help? Wow! I must be really going mad. So its official now? But it was official last year too...and the year before too. How can I make something official that already is official?

I guess that's official proof to my official madness...

PPPS: Whoa....hold on...do not kill me...yet. I just wanted to say bye and sorry about the massive post. In my defense, I like to keep my posts bigger unlike some people. * pointed glare at Gomu who pointedly looks away*