I write this with tearful eyes

She can't prove anything!


Oh well, it's true.... But hey, I already confessed to a lack of sarcast-o-meter in my brain (which, by the way, is a nice and healthy 1400 gms) in my previous post...
So there's no use rubbing it all in again....

By the way, if you were wondering why I'm writing (or rather, typing) all this with tearful eyes, it is because I couldn't stop laughing at Songeuse's post...

Don't mistake me, I'm not saying she's done a bad job with it....It's just that the "imaginary situation" she chose is imaginary, would never take place in real life and is completely misleading about my sense of humour...!

I mean, you readers would probably have come to realise what a wonderfully funny guy I am and many of you might be thinking I'm God's funniest gift to mankind...(Wait a minute...does that statement mean what I want it to mean?)

And either way, G.O.D. (Hey, Songs, guess what? Whether you like it or not, this name is here for the long-term, so there!) and Sugar (See previous comment in brackets) would never fight about something like whose shirt is whiter( and yes, it is a word).....

And G.O.D. and Sugar...? Before thanking me, I guess you better read the next part....*gulp*


Those two would not fight about stuff like whose shirt is whiter, true, because the things they fight about are even more sillier!

Either way, that's for another day...right now, I'm focused on righting some wrongs done to me in the previous post....

1. I don't send msgs consisting of just ?'s and !'s alone!
2. I am not stupid to ask someone how their day was, at 8 am in the morning! (P.s. Songs, I think you must have mistook me for another friend of yours)
3. Well, I forgot what I was about to say here....*sheepish grin*

And lastly, people can't just go around blaming me for not writing bigger posts...if I get enough material to write about, the post is bigger....Q.E.D

I don't have the....talent, you might say....of blowing things out of proportion, unlike some people I know....*ahem, ahem*


Well, that's it then....I will keep you guys updated on the things the devilish duo fought about, soon....:)

Sarcasm - Part II

Sarcasm – ha! What a sweet word. The sweetest word after the word sweet. No, that would be unfair to chocolates. So it is the sweetest word after sweet and chocolates. Now that we have established the sweetness of sarcasm, let us move on to more important matters. Gomu, in his previous post, gave us all an insight of how his friends *rolling eyes* react to sarcasm,*rolling eyes in opposite direction* or rather handle sarcasm * rolling eyes in full 360° in both directions, so much so that it takes a minute to gather focus *.

But he very conveniently left out the part about how he... * racking my brains hard for a good enough word, coming up empty* ...um ...reacts(?) to sarcasm (unlike his friends, he cannot handle it (not that his friends know how to handle it(Sorry Gomu, didn’t mean to insult(that's a pretty strong word) your friends(not that I mind(there are just so many bloody parenthesis I have no idea how to get out of it(?))))).

Bloody hell...my head hurts....does yours? I bet it does. Sorry about the digression, was just sharing my opinions. Anyway, back to Gomu’s reaction to sarcasm * refrains from rolling eyes *.

Basically Gomu is quite predictable. At least his conversation are. He has a predictable no scratch that, he has just one set of questions that he keeps throwing at you everyday. He is like an automated computer quiz that asks the same questions all the time. So after the first few times, the novelty wears out and you can answer all the question without sparing a glance. His questions go something like this....

Hi.

How are you?

How was your day? (A question right after a “good morning” message at 8.00 am in the morning. No wonder I do not reply to his good morning messages)

Hows life going?(Does he need to ask this every day. Honestly Gomu, do you think I’m on a roller coaster and a life altering change happens to me just about every day? Even if it did, do not worry you’ll be one of the first 100 people I let know about it (what?? I have a lot of friends...))

Why haven’t you been replying to my texts lately? (Apparently, he is yet to understand the meaning of the word b-u-s-y. Busy. )

Did you have breakfast/lunch/dinner?

I have had to go through this routine every time. So after answering the same questions 20 times, the 21^st time out conversation went like this.

Gomu: Hi.

Me: Hey. I’m fine. My day ‘was’ perfect *until you decided to text *. Life is great, absolutely spiffy and why would it not be with you as my friend. I have been busy over the week and hence couldn't reply. Yes I had my breakfast and lunch, would let you know about dinner soon.

Gomu: ??!!??!!??!!??!!??!! (I know how an exclamatory mark and question mark looks, thanks for the illustration anyway, could you get on with the text(sorry, I know this is Gomu’s reply, couldn’t resist my mind voice))

you just about emptied my question arsenal (figures huh?). How did you do it?

Me: Didn’t you know, I can read minds.

Gomu: ??!!??!!??!!??!!??!! (Dramatic is Gomu’s middle name).

Wait wait. Do not bang your head, until its a pillow. I banged my head after reading his reply and that left me with a bump on my forehead the size of Gomu’s brain (its up to u to decide the size) for the rest of the week.

Ah, I can hear hear Gomu defending that it was a text conversation and hence could not detect the underlain sarcasm. Fair enough, I say. So let me conjure up an imaginary scene.

Imaginary scene :

G.O.D(ugh...I hate this name more than I hated the guy..and that's saying something) and Sugar(I feel ridiculous to even comment on this name) are chewing each others heads off arguing whose shirt is whiter( I admit, I don’t know if its a word) after a basket ball match wearing red and Grey t-shirts(respectively if I might add), the aforementioned shirts lying completely abandoned on the floor going grayer with every passing nano seconds (blame the dramatic-ness on Gomu).

On the other side, Gomu and his friends ((?) “?” because Gomu always feels that people whom he considers friends, do no reciprocate the gesture, so I’m unsure of how to refer them) are laughing at the funny * ahem * *ahem * exchange . Gomu then turns to me, who is standing beside, glaring menacingly at the devilish duo (I just about choked now).

Gomu: Aren’t they so damn funny? (Laughs like a maniac.)

Me: Of course, they are hilarious I think I broke my rib bones laughing so hard. (I say with a perfectly calm face, no hint of humor and the menacing glare intact.)

Gomu: I know hilarious indeed. (Still laughing hard.)

I banged my head, against my better judgment (imaginatively of course) and had a big bump (nope, not the size of Gomu’s brain. I did mention ‘big’ this time, leaving nothing to your speculation) for the next two imaginary weeks. I would have gone on with detailing Gomu’s friends’ reactions too, but since this post is all about Gomu, I leave it at that.

PS: What?? I like leaving a PS even when I have nothing to say.

PPS: um...okay..uh...well...here we go *deep breathing in and out * I’d like to a-ap-apo-apol-apolo-apolog-apologi-apologiz-apologize to Gomu(no, not for showing the world the real you) for borrowing his friends without his permission. Phew...Jesus... I swear...wait did I say Jesus? Yes I did. Why am I calling Jesus when I have about 333,00,00,000 deities to call for help? Wow! I must be really going mad. So its official now? But it was official last year too...and the year before too. How can I make something official that already is official?

I guess that's official proof to my official madness...

PPPS: Whoa....hold on...do not kill me...yet. I just wanted to say bye and sorry about the massive post. In my defense, I like to keep my posts bigger unlike some people. * pointed glare at Gomu who pointedly looks away*

Sarcasm

Uh, hi guys...

I was busy, so I couldn't...blah blah blah...

Now that we've finished with the greetings, let's move on to the article...

Sarcasm is a mysterious thing.... I looked it up in wikipedia, and this is what I found-

Sarcasm is “a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter jibe or taunt. ”

People have often said to me that I couldn't recognise sarcasm if it hit me in the face....
I disagree... I say that I absolutely refuse to identify sarcasm even if it was wearing a pinstriped suit and a top hat and holding a cane and doing a scottish dance in front of me at twice the speed of light!

I've learnt that there are various types of sarcasm prevalent among my friends.....


1. Funny: This is usually employed by Blob....like, suppose we were notified by our principal that our behaviour was inappropriate in class, he would go, "yeah of course!"

(Um, guys...? I think I already mentioned that I suffered a disability of not being able to recognise sarcasms....)

2. Weird: This is employed by mokka mukkee.... same example as above: mokka mukkee's reaction, "ahen!"

3. Insulting: This is by G.O.D....Same example: "Yeah, and gomu can sing!"

4. Pathapein: I couldn't classify this in any of the categories! Same example as above: "????" (Fill any nonsensical sentence there...whatever it is, he'd claim he was being sarcastic!)


Well, I'm still trying like hell to understand sarcastic remarks from my friends, and I wish people would hold classes for stuff like this.....:(

Unforeseen Circumstances

Er...you guys must be wondering where I ran off to and abandoned the blog to its fate.

I won't attempt explaining the reason(s) why I did what I did because what I did was something I had to do due to certain unforeseen circumstances.(Phew! I had to sit the whole night trying to construct this sentence and make sense of it)

Anyway, all of my Intelligence agents are currently busy digging up dirt(Ahem, gathering Intelligence) about my classmates and are currently located in France, Russia, America, London, Iraq and so on, in search of incriminating evidence against them. You just have to wait till they come back and give me good printing material, to post in this blog. And they might be back before the end of this century, so hopefully you guys won't have to wait much longer.(Whoa, I AM good at stalling, aren't I?)

Till then, you are going to have to grit your teeth and read Pathapein's infinite pearls of wisdom, which has a good entertaining value, I'm told (by none other than Pathapein himself!).
You may condemn me to hell, but that's how it is!!

The Devilish Duo

Hi guys!

It's been quite a long time since I posted something, so here goes.

Our class was famous because of two people studying in our class. They were a popular duo in school. One was G.O.D and the other was Sugar (Yeah I know, it's a crappy nickname, but that was the best I could come up with *sheepish grin*).

These two were good friends and were actually neighbours. G.O.D was popular with the guys, while Sugar was, well, he was something out of an AXE commercial.

Anyway, these two guys were really popular in school, due to various reasons. One of them being that they were good stage entertainers.

Sugar could play the keyboard well and considered himself a good drummer as well (As good as the Beatles could perform heavy metal).

But these two were far from innocent. So far that they would have to travel by train to reach it.

The stuff they did in school went by undetected by the staff, though I believe everyone in the staff had their suspicions.

NEXT WEEK: Unbelievable stuff done by the devilish duo! (Sorry guys, had to run! I'll definitely post something next week.Keep checking!)

The Weirdos

Well, I decided to include a short bio about the guys in my class. So that you know the kind of people I had to deal with everyday!

1. BABY:
Well, the reason behind his nickname is his childish behaviour. He used to act like a spoilt brat, always demanding this or that from us. He just loved to talk about himself. I mean, our telephone conversations were always something like this:
"Goms, did you know I got the highest in this test? I am so intelligent..."
"Hey, I downloaded this from the internet just now. I like watching it you know..."
"Oh my god, I have to cut my hair, it's grown too long!"
If I tried to put a word in between, like,
"Yeah, you know wha.."
"Just shut up and listen to me! Actually..."

He had a varied range of disorders, from balding hair to kidney stones. He used to go on for months about his balding problem. He used to ask everyone, "Is my scalp visible through the hair?"

Now onto some of his favourites:
a) Bouncing me at the wall, whenever I went to his home.
b) DBZ: He was a DBZ addict, a harmful habit. Not to him, but me! He would hold me by the scruff of my neck, push my face near the screen and make me watch the same episode, same dialogue hundreds of times!
c) F.R.I.E.N.D.S: He was a F.R.I.E.N.D.S addict too! See above.

But all in all, he was, and still is, a very good friend of mine.

2. The Blob:
He was a guy who liked to be depressed about things like fun and happiness. He would flee at the first sign of fun, dunno why. He would never hang out much with us, giving reasons like, "Guy, I have to study for the Board Exams!", the exams in question being for the next year!
Or, he would say that his father would scold him if he was late by even a second and escape.
But he had a GREAT sarcastic sense of humour. We had fun listening to his comments about different happenings in class.

The Blob's also a very good friend to me.

3. Mokka Mukkee:
The class nerd. He came complete with thick- lensed glasses, and a skinny appearance.
His (failed) attempts at cracking jokes to become popular resulted in some really weird ones, like: What do you call a numerologist who likes telling jokes?
A humour-ologist!
Pathetic, right???

The Insider Knowledge.

So here are the logical reasons behind the names for the girls of my class.

• Dreamette: One of the very few persons I have known who follows her dreams without the slightest hesitation. She is neither afraid to dream big, nor hesitant in achieving it. She lives the way she wants to, without giving a damn about any body or anything else for that matter. 

•  Haywire: One of my best friends, who is prone to mood swings as much as japan is prone to tsunamis. She can never stick on to one decision or one choice or even one mood for more than, say half an hour(that’s the maximum). Its like her brain is hardwired to a fluctuating voltage source which in turn fluctuates her moods and decisions.    

• Dovey: The peacemaker of our little gang. She’s one of those people who is friendly with even the enemies! She is also the messenger of our gang. Its through her that we send and receive messages from others. 

• Esager : A friend of mine who is best suited to be a script writer or story writer for science fiction movies. That's because she has an amazing power to exaggerate things way beyond the limit. I mean, you just have to ask her if she has seen the sunrise, she will launch into a blow by blow detail of even the minutest thing with a great deal of animation and exaggeration. 

• Razon: Another one of my friends. The reason behind her name is reason. She has a reason for each and everything. She is what you call a verbose. Her favorite words are “Actually” and “Because”! And she uses them frequently enough to drive you crazy.